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It is helpful to make a distinction between communicating for information and communicating for intimacy.

Communicating for information is all about getting the facts and understanding the message. It’s more about the transmission of information than about relationship.

The goal of communicating for intimacy, on the other hand, is to know one another at a deeper level; it necessarily involves sharing our interior self, especially our emotions. This kind of sharing is often very affirming and sexy for a woman because she feels most connected with her man when she knows what is going on inside him. It is equally important to the man because without getting in touch with and communicating his emotions, he will never understand himself fully nor believe that he is loved just for who he is.

It’s about Communion; being one in mind and spirit.

You may be able to talk to anybody, but communicating for intimacy is a sharing of your personhood that you can and should only attempt with those you trust. The marriage relationship has the greatest potential for intimacy and deep trust precisely because of the other-centred attraction of your sexuality and the permanent commitment of your love. It allows you a kind of emotional nakedness and vulnerability that is at once exciting and profoundly bonding. To be emotionally “naked and unashamed” enough to share your deepest emotions creates a deep communion between you that is powerfully life-giving.

Stories of the Heart

Sometimes it’s difficult for me to stay focused on my wife when she’s telling me about something she has experienced in her life. I tend to jump ahead looking for a problem to solve rather than just listening to her. I can get impatient when she shares too much detail and I get lost trying to sort out what she is telling me or my mind can drift off. It really helps if she tells me up front where the conversation is headed. I need to know if she wants me to suggest a solution or just try to understand who she is.

Once I know what she needs from me, I can decide to be that for her. If she wants my opinion, I can ask questions to get the information I need. If she just wants me to listen, I can give her my full attention without being distracted wondering how this will affect me or what I’m going to have to do about it.

Share: Listening

  1. Think about a time when you were ignored or not listened to: what was that experience like?
  2. Name one person in your history who you remember as listening well to you and being attentive to you: how do you feel towards that person now?

1 Response

  1. Anna Rozbicka

    I remember one occasion when I wasn’t listened too it was a horrible experience like not being equal person to others.

    My Dad is a very good listener and we have very good relationship. He would always be there for me and help me. My Fiance is the same he would always support and listen.

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